Sunday 22 September 2013

How To Get Hired, or Life After Graduation

My name's Polly and I am an unemployed graduate.

Around three months ago I was thrust from the loving comfort of my University life into what older friends and relatives like to call 'The Real World'. "You're in the Real World now!" they'll say, sagely nodding over their Earl Grey while you send off your 387th job application or update your CV, again. The same CV that has been rewritten every day since you left uni, because you've suddenly noticed how many times you've used the word 'enthusiastic' or mentioned your 'excellent team working skills'.

I am, quite frankly, exhausted by it. My phone pings with emails from job search sites about unsuitable jobs - that is between the emails and phone calls from recruiters asking if I have considered a career in recruitment. Or recruitment for recruitment. Which means there are people out there, recruiting for recruiters, for recruitment. It's unbearable. I drink 500 cups of coffee a day as I restart my computer again because, after 3 years of endless essay's and googling miniature pigs in tea-cups, several of the letters on my keyboard - handily most of the ones in my name, and therefore email addresses - give up on me at 10 minute intervals.

Then there are my friends. This would all be slightly more bearable were there others in my position, but it seems that, somehow, everyone I've ever met has managed to get employed by Goldman Sachs or a similar fortune 500 graduate scheme that's going to pay them 5 million pounds a year and give them a jaguar because, despite the fact that they've spent the past 3 years with their head either in a toilet or at the end of a beer funnel, they've suddenly blossomed into the most talented young people on the planet. I've watched my number of facebook friends fall rapidly away as I cull anyone posting proud status' about how they've got their 'dream job aaaaaaaah omg so excited #suitandtie #firstday #thatsrightpollyeveryonebutyou'.

So I'm writing a seven step survival guide, if not for anyone but myself.

Step 1
Pamper yourself every now and again. Take some time to relax, or when potential jobs do call you they will sense your stress and desperation as you chatter desperately that you'd be great if someone, ANYONE would just give you a chance! Have a bath and a glass of wine. Or two.

Step 2
Avoid, at all costs, family events. "How's the job hunt pol" when asked by the 50th person is likely to be answered solely with hand gestures. If you have to go, keep the wine at hand. Joke about separation anxiety from uni life if people question it.

Step 3
Find a hobby. Needlecraft. Taxidermy. Exercise if you really must. Wine Tasting.

Step 4
Work on your CV. Both on its presentation and on its content. If you can't find relevant experience do some charity work. Charity events usually have wine.

Step 5
Go to each interview as if you don't really need the job. Panic beforehand, as it will make you prepare better, but on the day be the embodiment of confident charm. Nothing says confident like ordering wine for you and your future boss.

Step 6
When you're feeling stressed take time to appreciate things you can do because you don't have a job. Okay, so you're too poor to do anything that interesting, but you can wake up late to the sound of birdsong. You can spend all day on facebook (if you have any friends left after the cull). You can drink wine at lunch.

Step 7
Wine. 

Friday 20 September 2013

Callum's feeling 22...

It may seem as though most of my blog is dedicated to birthdays. It's starting to seem this way to me too, but I couldn't not write about my wonderful Callum turning 22 - and doing it in style with a good old fashioned English rainy barbecue.



Gazebo party! Callum and family whipped up an amazing barbecue feast, and there were many cocktails (I may have helped out with this part) and live music courtesy of 'All the Clever Lines'.




They may be a band made up of family friends, but they're not your typical dad-band. They're pretty darn good, and had us all standing out in the rain all night, without minding a bit. They even let Callum have a go, which actually wasn't the disaster we were expecting from his previous karaoke dalliances *cough high school musical*.


Special mention also has to go out to the other band who formed specially to perform their own interpretation of Taylor Swift's '22'...


...and Callum's incredible speech (written by me and McGuigan, filled with awkward stories and inappropriate poetry).




This is quickly becoming one of my favourite birthday traditions...apart from the cocktails and cake, obviously. I might leave you with a recipe or two at the end, after a few more snaps from the night.



So. Sweet.
The best fondue ever. Made inside the bread. OMG. 




Cheese-gasm.


Bathroom Selfies. Had to be done.



One of the most photogenic people ever, Mark.









Twerking. I think...


Callum's interests are apparently quite well known...





Callum is one of my favourite people in the world, and his party, despite being slightly damp, was amazing. Big thanks to the Thomas family and everyone else involved. Hope you're having an amazing time in Amsterdam Cal!

The Bar



The amazingly well stocked bar. I ended up going off menu for most of the night, but I like how fancy the board looked. You can find the recipe for the ginger and lemongrass martini's here. I'm going to give you some fab shot recipes.

Red White and Blue Shots



These are so simple, and make you look like a pro. All it takes is grenadine, blue curacao, and either vodka or sambuca. I used vodka, because sambuca is awful in my opinion. Pour a bit of grenadine in each glass, then pour the curacao down a spoon sitting just on top of the red layer, then the vodka/sambuca down the spoon on top of the blue layer. Pour slowly so they don't mix, and the different densities mean they'll sit one on top of the other (I think if you use sambuca it will sit in the middle, where vodka sits on top). Easy Peasy.

Brain Haemorrhages

These shots look amazing. Unfortunately I didn't take any pictures, but they should look like this:




(Credit here)

How I make them:

Fill a shot glass about 2/3 full with sambuca. Using a bar spoon, dribble Bailey's onto the top (to get the brain effect do it in a few drops). Then pour in using a speed pour. You want a quick drop so it pulls down the Bailey's a bit with it (if you don't have a speed pour put a bit on a spoon and  then drop it in from a height, it has the same effect). These are definitely going to be whipped out at halloween - maybe with some blue curacao to make them 'Alien Brain Haemorrhages...

I learnt a very similar shot in South Africa that uses Frangelico and Amarula (no grenadine), stomach-churningly called the Soweto Toilet (eugh), but it is delicious, and, if you have the ingredients should definitely be tried.

Happy Shotting!

Friday 13 September 2013

Tuxes and Top Hats

What's better than a fancy party in a big marquee with an unlimited supply of champagne and cosmopolitans? Pretty much nothing.
Except doing the above in a variety of ridiculous hats.


My beautiful cousin Lucy turned 21 recently. Well, about a month ago, but it was celebrated recently with an almighty bash, themed 'Black Tie and Hats'. I'm not really a head-wear gal, and as such was at a bit of a loss. I opted for the 'drunk american' look with a Jack Daniels cowboy stunner that appeared one morning at University. Unfortunately everyone else went for a slightly classier vibe.

Everyone except Ed.


Is that a peacock feather and leopard print adorned pimp hat? Yes. Yes it is. Did he take every opportunity to pimp-pose? Yes. Yes. He. Did.




Typical Welshman, drink in each hand. Apparently it was contagious...


Not to mention bad for the dignity. Expensive Steve Madden heels were ruined and quickly abandoned to avoid face-planting on the dance floor (a fate poor Lucy failed to avoid - but on ones 21st birthday it is your right to fall over as much as you like without judgement). Lucy was certainly, even inebriated, the belle of the ball.


Definite hat envy. And dress envy. And tear-inducing-proud-father-speech envy.



The party was incredible, as we all expected. Great music, great food (dear god the canapés!) and more drinks than you could shake your flat-cap at. So I think it earned some awards...

Best Hat



Obviously the birthday girl.

Best Drunk-Eye



Amanda, you truly earned this.

Best Outrageous Dance Moves






This had to be a three-way tie. Will and Lucy, your efforts were outstanding. But I couldn't let my Dad lose his 'Worst Dancer in the World' title. His enthusiasm is unshakable, as is his dedication to jumping a lot and jazz hands.

Most Drinks Spilled/Most Inappropriate When Drunk



Nicholas. Spilling drinks and smashing glasses? Check. Inappropriate soliciting of his big sisters friends? Check. Passing out in the garden for a while? Check.

He should also win something for his chat-up lines, which I think went along the lines of 'you might as well'...

Top Lad.

Big thank you to my wonderful extended family. Everyone had an amazing time thanks to your hospitality, generosity and general amazing-ness. Happy Birthday Lucy!